"Solitude vivifies; isolation
kills." - Joseph Roux, Meditations of a Parish Priest, 1886
I awoke to a rude surprise this
morning. My wife had already gone to work. I shuffled into the
bathroom for my morning recycling activities, and what do I find?
That’s right! My best friend, the woman with whom I had shared
those sacred vows, my soul mate who had sworn to love, honor, etc.,
had left the toilet seat down!
Thomas Crapper, who many say
invented the flush toilet, would not have been amused. He didn’t
receive nine patents for plumbing products so they could be abused in
such cavalier fashion. Imagine! A perfectly good toilet seat left
in the down position, where it’s of little benefit to those who
stand while tinkling. Maybe she thinks my aim is so good she can
safely leave it down without fear. Will she never learn? I
occasionally miss the target even when I sit down!
No, this is about power - naked,
greedy abuse of power. I always thought the purpose of a marriage
partnership was to make life easier for each other in many little
ways. What could be easier and more thoughtful than preparing the
plumbing for your partner’s next visit? She insists I do it for
her. Where’s the reciprocity?
It’s apparent she wants to play
dirty, so I need revenge. Not something so obvious as leaving the
seat up. I’m no amateur. I need subtlety, guile and cunning.
What to do? I could flip the toilet paper over so it rolls against
the wall rather than away from it. Yeah, that’s the ticket! I’ll
invite a friend to dinner and not tell her. In your face! And next
time we watch TV together, I’ll teach her what all men
instinctively know - that the purpose of the remote is not to find
out what’s on TV, but to find out what ELSE is on.
More seriously, I’m not certain
any two people can peacefully share a roof 24 hours a day. No
earthling I’ve met qualifies, and to date few have endured my
weirdness for any length of time either. But when one has a “Y”
chromosome and one doesn’t, the challenge is greater. Thousands
of years of natural selection have given the genders decidedly
different imperatives. That we now face scores more choices daily
than did our ancestors makes peaceful coexistence even tougher.
It’s
disturbing so many middle-aged women are so bitter toward men. The
stereotype of the fiftyish divorcee not needing or wanting a man in
her life, and bragging about it, is sad. It’s certainly based in
fact, as divorce statistics and the growing numbers of singles prove.
Don’t get me wrong. Women, and men too for that matter,
absolutely have the right to a partner-less lifestyle, and for some,
it’s clearly the right choice. But we get constant messages and
feedback that promote it as an either/or situation, as if personal
fulfillment and autonomy are somehow incompatible with a shared
existence.
That’s the big tragedy. I
realized years ago that bitterness, anger and resentment would be an
indication of my own poor choices and decision-making. I resolved
never to be bitter, and I won’t be. I’ll always love and need
women. Anyone who can’t express and satisfy both the male and
female sides of their personality that we all have is missing out.
Clearly, the 20th
century was the greatest in human history, using almost any economic
or social measure. But check this out:
- In 1900, there were 12.72 marriages for every divorce in the U.S.
- In 1950, the ratio was 4.33 to 1. In 1998 it was 2:36 to 1.
It’s not a great trend for the
majority of us who are social creatures. I’d love to see less
emphasis on toilet seats and remotes, and more value placed on the
human need to partner and to belong to a group. I’d love to see
people be aware that bitterness is partly a reflection of bad
decisions, and to resolve to change their decisions rather than
choose solitude. Most of our kids would love that, too. Little
people usually lose big when big people split up.
Meanwhile, tomorrow morning, I’ll
get even. I’ll put the cap back on the toothpaste tube. Let her
unscrew her own cap. Of course, so doing might bring to me the
isolation referred to in my opening quote. And that’s because this
is also true: "How much more grievous are the consequences of
anger than the causes of it." - Marcus Aurelius
No comments:
Post a Comment