Overdogs #8 Hey Genius, This Crap Is Hot!

“Hey genius, this crap is hot!” - David Letterman, trying to save McDonald’s big legal fees by authoring a warning label to be posted on their coffee, after Stella Liebeck sued McDonalds in the famous “hot coffee” incident.

Not only is some crap hot, much of it is irrelevant. Comics such as Letterman have a way of cutting the crap on issues of the day. The simplistic nature of comedy requires them to get right to the point. Lawyers, judges, plaintiffs and defendants in our litigious society could learn from them. There’s a lot of crap in our courts today.

Citizens Against Lawsuit Abuse (CALA) has compiled some disturbing statistics about the cost of this crap. Americans file millions of lawsuits annually, costing over $150 billion per year. According to The Economist, tort costs run 0.5% of GNP in Germany, and only 0.4% of GNP in Japan. In the U.S. we spend 2.3% of GNP, more than five times Japan’s rate, and have 30 times more lawsuits per person.

We in the United States spend more on litigation than businesses spend on research and development. How about responsible courts freeing business to spend less on lawyers? The free cash could be spent on more research and development which might – HELLO! – provide better products containing less litigable flaws.

There are 40,000 product liability lawsuits in the United States annually and only 200 in the United Kingdom. The resulting higher prices for products and services are estimated by CALA to total $10 billion per year in California alone. Stepladders cost as much as 25% more, it doubles the cost of a football helmet, certain vaccines cost 66% more, and tonsillectomies about 50% more. A Rand Corporation study estimates wrongful termination lawsuits have cost the state of California as much as 650,000 jobs.

The Detroit Free Press estimates Girl Scouts in greater Detroit must sell 36,000 boxes of cookies each year just to pay liability insurance. Relatives of German victims of the Air France Concorde crash near Paris are suing in the United States because we are where the largest tort awards exist.

When the state of Florida filed suit in September 1999 against Publisher’s Clearing House, Attorney General Bob Butterworth said a settlement with customers didn't provide adequate restitution for Floridians and the company wasn't going far enough to change its ways. Company mailings prey on isolated seniors with frequent, personalized mailings and take advantage of people with failing vision by including disclaimers that are too small to read, he said. A prequel to the recent Florida election debacle, no doubt.

Well, my glasses get thicker annually, and my bifocals arrived recently, but I’m damned if I’ll ever use deteriorating vision as an excuse for being scammed in that manner. But let’s cut to the chase on sweepstakes, so there can be no misunderstanding: Federal Law prohibits requiring purchase of any product or service as a condition of entry to any sweepstakes. Hey, genius, you don’t have to buy anything. Nothing. Nada. El zippo. Your entry is and will be a free ride. Return the entry, but buy nothing!

But it’s not just the cost to society of the frivolous lawsuits that concerns me. I’m dismayed by the lawsuits against Publisher’s Clearing House, American Family Publishing, and other sweepstakes marketers for entirely different reasons. Not because they’re not guilty of egregious deception, because they certainly are. I’m saddened that they’re necessary, that we have such a large segment of people who fall prey to these sharks.

Alzheimer’s and senility notwithstanding, anyone chronologically eligible for Social Security who is duped by these pimps is a reflection of our failure as a society. But why are so many seniors so easy to prey on? When 88 year-old Richard Lusk flew cross-country at his own expense twice within a four-month period to claim non-existent prizes, he made not so much as a phone call to verify anything. Twice! Deception or not, vision problems or not, have they no clue? What practical lessons have they learned in their life? It appears society doesn’t teach Personal Responsibility 101.

I’m not against lawsuits to rein in these parasites. Litigation serves a great purpose, as the $33 million dollar settlement and Chapter 11 bankruptcy filing involving American Family Publishers attests. Prosecuting predators is always good.

It’s time for judges to slam attorneys who file baseless lawsuits, to redefine who has legal standing in tort issues. It’s time to exact court costs and harsh penalties on those who file baseless lawsuits. It’s time for legislators and courts to clearly determine when a nit-picky issue warrants litigation. It’s time to teach Personal Responsibility 101, 102 and 103.

It’s time.

"Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly." - Batman Costume warning label.